I...feel like a terrible person and i've felt this way since my junior year in high school started..?

I have faith that you will be able to find your way to a more peaceful and enjoyable place. It has taken me years of work, but finally most days are free from the experiences you are talking about. However, for now, just know that you are coping with feelings that you've been dealing with for many years. For whatever reason, could be relationship with parents, bullying at school, traumas in childhood, you have a deeply seated fear inside you of other people, and perhaps a feeling that you are not worthy of healthy happy relaxed relationships. I do think therapy would help, but you are right; it costs a lot. But I think you need some sort of ally that you can talk openly to, who can help you explore this issue from the ground up. There are some therapists out there who do pro bono (free) work for people with low incomes. If not a therapist, then maybe find a support group where you can really talk about this stuff and see that other people go through it too, and that there is hope for you. There are even online support groups you could try. I don't know your age, but here's an example of a support group directory for teens: a href="http://www.dailystrength.org/support-groups/Teens" rel="nofollow"http://www.dailystrength.org/support-gro…/a .