Am insecure about my hair, what should i do?

Am 22 male, my hairs currently like 2inc at the back, about 4inc midway and i have a 5inc side parting. Ive been cutting it myself since 16! I hate going to the barbers! I find it truamatic. I hate having short hair! But also i hate knowing that am different because am androgynous. If i lived in a perfect world id have hair like a girl, but i dont so like am scared of what other people think or say about it. my mums the worst! she dont understand! She thinks am a normal common male! but am not! And i hate it when Other males say get a haircut like i should be attacked by razors because its normal! it aint! I hate having short hair! I shouldnt have it if i dont want it or dont feel right! i just dont have a clue what to do with it. I also hate talking about it as it is a very sensitive subject to me. Am scared people think am a tramp for having half boy/ half girl hair :( I wear a cap/hat most of the time but that as to come off in a college/work place envioroment. So what shall i do with it??